Dealing with feedback

2019 is now fully underway. We wish you a fantastic new year, in which professional and personal happiness form part of your day-to-day experience. Good social contact can contribute to this happiness and vice versa; happy people enjoy better social contact. Good social contact means making time and space for each other, giving and receiving help, expressing appreciation and communicating in an open and honest fashion.

The latter, of course, isn’t always a given. Neither for those providing the feedback, nor for those on the receiving end of the message. The beginning of a new year will potentially coincide with a work performance review, in which you'll face the additional challenge of dealing with feedback. Your manager uses such a review to assess your performance. They’ll ideally discuss your strengths and points for development. Any agreements that were made during a previous or interim performance review will also be evaluated. The review shouldn’t contain any surprises, as daily collaboration and feedback will have formed a good guideline for how the conversation will unfold.

Perhaps you're someone who is receptive to feedback and actively requests it? Or rather someone who finds feedback difficult? Feedback is always extremely useful. Your partner in the discussion can express how they perceive you and what expectations they have of you in a clear and transparent way, without any needless friction. For you personally, it's always good to understand others’ expectations and to be aware of how you come across. Such feedback additionally offers you an opportunity for self-development. You can only make good decisions and benefit from further development if you know precisely where your talents and focus lie. How do you feel about your performance review? Do you dread sitting in front of your manager and being assessed during such a conversation?

A performance review contributes to this objective too. For you will receive recognition of who you are, what you can do and the performance that you have delivered. You might also discover that your manager sees more of your work than you initially thought. Such recognition can be extremely welcome. You might perceive certain things differently and you should feel free to express this. However, make sure that your message doesn't come across as denial or resistance. Performance reviews also lead to increased self-management, as they are an opportunity for you to indicate your interests and expectations. Within the limits of your organisation, of course. This will enable you to engage in job crafting, will give you a future perspective and opportunities for further development in the company, which will boost your resilience.

Regardless of your emotional make up, every individual finds dealing with feedback in a positive way challenging. What's the best way to deal with feedback, and how can you continue to regard it as an opportunity for growth? We've compiled some tips for you:

 

Listen and learn

Don't view negative comments as an attack on you personally. Rather think of them as an opportunity to learn. If you adopt this mindset, then a negative remark can even contain something positive and you'll feel less demotivated. So, listen carefully to criticism. Try to understand what the other person means and ask for clarification if something is unclear. This will enable you to grow as an individual.

Know yourself

Feedback is always better received when you're prepared and know yourself well in terms of your strengths and points for development. It helps to reflect on the following questions from time to time: what went well during the previous period? How did I contribute to this? What do I find motivating or challenging? What do I sometimes find difficult? What skills do I already possess, and which do I believe I still need to develop? What do I think I'm really good at? You can also request input from colleagues, family, friends, etc. They may be able to provide an objective view of you as a person.

Accept disappointment

Naturally, a negative remark is not nice to hear, particularly if it's linked to a reward, bonus or pay rise. Accept this disappointment and the fact that you feel unhappy about it. That makes it easier to process.

Be a good loser

Dare to admit when you have failed in certain areas. We often tend to go on the defensive. We look for external causes to explain why we fell short or didn't achieve certain things. In so doing, we ignore our own share of the responsibility. So, consider your own personal share of the responsibility and acknowledge it. This attitude will generate far more empathy from others than going on the defensive. If you believe that some of your positive points have been overlooked, then you can, of course, point them out yourself. However, be careful not to try and shirk your own responsibility in this way.

Request help

A negative comment means that you'll have to work on a number of points. But you're not alone in this. There are people who can help you, both at work and in your social circle outside of work. Think about who that person might be for you. This person will be able to help you, providing you clearly specify what you need, and from whom. If you're unsure how to tackle certain challenges at work, then be sure to ask your manager for help. If you don't possess sufficient knowledge or skills to perform your tasks, then request on-the-job coaching, or ask to go on a training course. If you don't have the appropriate tools, then you can request these too. Perhaps you require clearer guidelines from your manager, or feel unsure and need some additional support from him or her. By specifying what you need, you show a willingness to work on yourself and your performance. Your manager will appreciate this and be more prepared to help you.

Work on your attitude

Negative comments don't only relate to exactly what you do, but also to your attitude. Perhaps you're too complacent or frequently late for work. Maybe you're not a strong team player or don't assume your responsibilities. Perhaps you need to work on yourself in terms of attitude. In that case, consider how you can tackle this. What are you going to do? How are you going to do it? Who are you going to involve?

Still don’t agree...

If you genuinely feel that you haven't been fairly treated, then you can say so. Open and honest communication is key here to good relations.